Slam Poems

Love (II)

Tell me you love me. Prove it. Make it mean something. Show me that there is no air in your lungs when I leave and that your heart is mine to crush.

Allow me the knowledge that life is loving my bones and the way I exhale when I’m calm. You used to love my skin, the curves of my sin and the light that was lost. You took that. Made it your own then cast it to a memory too distant to recall. Bring it back. Come back to me. Prove that love exists outside of the script and say you’ll write the lines with me.

Love me the way I deserve to be loved. See me as I deserve to be seen. Prove the worlds not a loveless pit and all that what was good isn’t lost. Tear down the barriers you’ve built in me so I might feel the moon kiss my skin. Come back to me, remind me what lovers can conjure when the sky is starless and the heart is full. Make me believe that love could save me when I’m not capable of saving myself.

Make me want to die, if living meant a life free from you. Love me so that I won’t realise when the floor beneath us breaks. Love me as I have loved you with every thought and whisper. Let me survive a love long past the night the world itself dies. Wholely, truthfully and vividly. Love me like that.

Slam Poems

Mirror

Can you show me what fulfilment looks like? Or explain how I might learn to look at my reflection without contempt? How about the ability to recognise myself, or stare in the mirror without crying? 

Because I wanna know. I wanna know what its like to love myself. I want to know what perfection feels like as I dig my claws beneath my skin and hope the scars will fade. I want to love myself. I need to love myself. Before I let any one else try to love me, I have to love myself. Or at least that is what I’m told. And it leaves me cold and afraid of a loveless life for how am I to be loved if I cannot look at myself?

Its all fucked. And my priorities are way off balance because I wake up every morning with a hole in my chest and a reflection that screams as it grips my jaw and forces me to stare it down. I can’t brush my teeth without the damnation of truth- that I can’t stand to look at myself. I consider covering the glass, so that I might live away from the glare of myself, so I might live a life without this ache that resides in my gut. Then I think I’m not worthy, I don’t deserve the shelter of denial and the chance to postpone reminders of the fact.

I’m obsessed with the dead. Because they cast no shadows and their reflection doesn’t want them. I relate to the rejection and grieve when I’m reminded I’m alive. Because living means looking at oneself, and if I loathe the look I must loathe the living.

Tell me how to be a person. Because I’m doubting my very lungs and I’m not sure how to tell the shrink something inside me has died. I can’t remember seeing myself as a creature other than this, though they tell me I was an angel, I guess they must have clipped my wings.

How do humans heal? When my insides are leaking through the cracks in my skin and I can’t tell my hand from the devils entwined, how do I run from myself? Take me away and abolish my flesh because I’ll never belong here again, and I swear if I got chance to leave, I would never return to myself.

Poetry

WORDS

Thinking of words I should have said that are stuck beneath my heart

Thinking of the many ways you broke me
With words you threw my way

Thinking of the words you spoke to others
When my back and heart were turned

Thinking of the words I couldn’t say
That even still won’t leave my lips

Thinking of words I should speak now
Pretending I can take the fight.

Prose

DARK

The darkness is gone. It was full of our story that could only survive stricken from sun and lost to the world. Because our love could only survive the night, and in the sunlight only one of us would walk away.

We could have made a life together there, had the sun not come up and burned our hearts. I may have lived to see the dawn but I’m not without injury from the grip of your fist and the poison on your lips.

I miss the moon and the starless sky, the stillness of night and the heat of your flesh. Your flame I felt that melted skin and kept our bodies locked as one, so that I would sink beneath the surface and explore the bones that held you up.

All I knew was you, the world did not belong to the darkness that we cast and we would damn it all to the depths of hell if it meant our darkness stayed. Though sun did rise and flesh did melt, and we ruined each other swiftly for chance to see the dawn.

Now I sleep in the wastelands of love. Willing the dark and cursing the sun, I wish I hadn’t wrecked you. Though you broke me just as badly.

Poetry

Taker

I see now that you’re a taker
You’ve never cared to give
It’s as if you don’t know how

If I stay I’ll have to chase you
Because everyone was more important
And I’m just your runner up

You want me to cry for you
But now I’m numb and done
And you don’t deserve my tears

I gave you all that is in me to give
You took it without thanks
And spent it all in vain

So yes I call you a taker
And I dare say thats all you’ll ever be
Because you got all of me.

Prose

GRAVE

Love is a graveyard. They told me when I fell in love I would know it when it spoke, but I didn’t hear love ’til it buried me and by then my voice was lost.

They said that love was a light and if I wasn’t careful, it would one day blind me. I couldn’t wait to fall in love, so much so I would look at the sun just to make believe. That was long before you blindsided me and left me buried in the dark.

I took it as a sign when you fell from the grace of god. I loved you in your descent and would continue until my last gasp. The bitter tastes twice as sweet to the hungry soul that needs a bite, and I was so desperate for your taste I ignored the acid on your tongue.

I did burn. Brightly. Violently. All for you, while your back was turned. Perhaps one day you’ll know that. Now love is a graveyard, and I wish that I had listened when they warned me of its gates.

Poetry

Roaming


Tell me how to love you
Without destroying myself

Show me where to roam
If I’m banished from your skin

Listen to my silence
That time after time you ignore

See that I breathe in only for you
And don’t take a single gasp for granted

Light me up when you see me fade
Don’t fuck around in the dark

Lick my wounds and sooth my bones
Since it is you that broke them again.

Poetry

Eclipse 

Cast your spell under my skin
My god you weave it well
Now feast your eyes on my eclipse
And hope the light returns

See me wash in self disdain
But never pull the plug
Cos you like me more when it hurts
And you just love to see me drown

I will always rise to you
Though I’ll never belong here again
You may make the moon kiss the sun
But I promise I’ll burn you before dawn

So scream if you still need the pain
And fuck me ’til the world is ablaze
Burn me down from rib to ash
And hope it leaves a scar.

Poetry

Inside

There is a ghost inside me
That torments me with screams 
Whenever I try to sleep

There is a monster in my chest
That keeps beating for her
And it never lets me rest

There is a skeleton in the cupboard
Belongin’ to my last lover
Been there since she broke my heart

Now there is whiskey in the glass
And a fire in my throat
Cos its the only thing that makes me feel.

Poetry

CLAIM

You claim to hear me
Though you miss the words unsung
And fail to read between the lines

You claim to want me
Though you’d never care to beg
And it was always on your terms

You say that you can see me
Though I swear I must be cellophane
Cos you’ll always look right through

Do you even want me
When even now you will not fight
Or prove that the pain is worth it

Do you even know how to love me
I mean really truly love me as I did you
So that the world may end and I’d not notice

You have left me stricken once again
Awaiting a love that will not end well
Knowing that it will eventually consume me

And I gladly welcome the flames.